Trying to change…..
Well….I am tired of being tired and depressed. I have been trying so hard to make a change for the better. It seems all of my blogs are depressing. No wonder no one reads them anymore. No wonder I have no friends. No fun…..lol… well, this weekend, I got out some art supplies and made a piece of art. I uploaded it to my fb page. Again, no comments. lol. Oh well… guess I am talking to myself again. But, at least I am getting it out and not keeping it locked up inside. Well…. tonight is week 2 of Joshua’s group meetings. Yes, so much fun. We are going to them because HE DID NOT STEAL A LIGHT BULB. That’s right. His best friends brother stole an 8 dollar light bulb. And, because I failed as a mother and forgot to teach my kids to
JUST WALK AWAY…. I am being punished along with him. This class is for 3 weeks long. It is 2 hours long every Mon and Tues. Then, a fine of 150 the day before my b day , May 10th. AND….. I think… 32 hours of cummunity service. All this for someone else being stupid and stealing and running. So, enough about that. Can’t change anything about it.
Sometimes I feel like I am stuck in a bad bad dream and I just need to wake up. One thing is for sure… I keep telling my kids…. I am sick of cleaning up after them and I refuse. However, every freaking day, I wake up to a freaking mess in the kitchen. I really don’t know what to do anymore. I am trying to motivate myself to detail clean the downstairs the way I WANT IT to look and then telling them I will take away their phones if it doesn’t stay that way. But, it is taking FOREVER for me to get to that point. There is always something for me to do. 99% of the time….to do for someone else. Clean, pick up, cook, drive you name it… I do it. Most of the time I never feel appreciated and being poor gets really weary. I just wish I could change things up. I try to. But, the depression creeps back in and feelings of being overwhelmed and not appreciated. Then, as if that weren’t enough to think about…. there is my MIL who is fighting for her life right now. My parents who are aging and so thankful they are both still alive. And last but not least….still trying to make my salon business work. That and my jewelry business. Nothing seems to be working out for the positive. What makes you hang on when the ride is ALWAYS rough and bumby? For me…. I don’t know. I always try to think …..well…things could be worse. And, out there, someone is hurting just like me…..
