When will it end…
When will it end….. to be honest. It will end when life ends itself. Life is too much for me again. So sick of all the stress, problems….I try my hardest to be positive. However, when negative things keep happening on a consistent basis…makes it kind of impossible. So… I try to enjoy the few times I am happy. Enjoy the moments I am with my family. I do have good news. Along with bad… as always…. good news is… my dad went for his cancer check up appt. Cancer count was extremely low. Joe and I cooked dinner for my mom and dad. Sister and niece. Joe fixed my parents car. Bad news..well… where do I start. Still waiting to hear if we get approved for the loan modification for our home mortage. We are now 4 months behind. 6 = foreclosure. We have 4 cars.2 that sit in our driveway because they don’t work. The other 2…barely work. But THANK YOU GOD…they work. So.. Joe calls me a little while ago and says the car overheated. Both cars have no air. One car is taped up and someone ran into it.. that would be the car I drive. But, thankful to have it. Got a call from my mil. Her doctors appt for cancer did not go well. She is discouraged and having some health issues. I wish I could offer her encouragement like I have in the past. However… with all the crap that is going on in my life right now… like I said, difficult to find positive words right now. I haven’t got a phone call from Matt since he went back to AZ. Still wondering how all those plans are going to work out with his ex girlfriend being pregnant, etc.I have to have a meeting with the band directors and the band parent president on a few weeks to discuss my intentions of paying on Josh and Clayton’s band account. When I spoke with the mortage company the other day.. she told me on our credit report there were 7 claims against us. I know one is my student loan that I have not been able to pay a dime on since I have graduated. One ore 2 are medical bills… who knows what the others are. I am still looking and applying for jobs. I still try to believe that all things will be ok in the end. However… starting to wonder about that. When you owe money to so many people…I would never have it in me to take my own life. I do suffer from depression. I only live at this point for my children. I love them more than life itself. And my parents and husband. I live for them.
So….why do I write all this stuff for the public to read? Well… I write it to vent and have it be my personal therapy sessions since I am too broke for that on my own. I write it so if there is someone else out there suffering from depression will know …. there is hope. For me… hope is hiding in a corner in a dark lit room right now. But, I still believe in God. I still have faith. And, I have hope. I hope that one day, I can look back on this time of my life and say…. thank you God for allowing me to go thru so much. I do not write this for people to go… oh… poor Angela… and have a pity party for me. For some reason….God thinks I can handle all of these issues. I am hanging on with my fingernails and every ounce of life left in me. Please…. please pray for me and my family. Always give thanks to God for everything you have. No matter how little. No matter how much. Be thankful. Be hopeful. BELIEVE
