Dear Santa
if you really existed … I would ask you for a few things. The thing I want the most is something I can not have right now….. Dear Santa…. I wish I could see my son Matt for Christmas. I miss him so much as I type this tears are rolling down my face and I am hurting so bad. If I could have one wish… that would be it. If I were to be granted another…. I would wish for some peace and happiness in my life right now. I try to be happy but, sometimes….most of the times ….life gets in the way. And Peace. Everyone in this entire world could use peace. And last but not least …. some money.Not for me Santa. But, money to be able to get something for my mom and dad. My 4 children. My husband. My family and friends. I am really weary of being poor. It is difficult knowing that this week… whatever I make in my tips from hair cutting is the money we have to survive on. Gas and food. I haven’t put up any Christmas decorations. I prob. won’t. For one…. I am just not wanting to be reminded of it. And 2…..it takes time. If the kids want to do it… let them. They are all teens now and it would be good for them to pull together and work on something as a family. I get tired of having to clean up after them on my days off and try to get caught up on laundry and life. I have finally noticed that I have totally sacrificed my life for my kids. The sad thing is… they don’t see it and they don’t care. The only way for them to see it would be if I were to die. Sometimes…. I wish I would. I kinow …. you think I need help. Maybe I do… just can’t afford it. I am just tired of depression. I am tired of the pain. Sometimes… I get weary of the fight. Is it worth it…. I guess. Every day I go to work, I work my tail off. I am older than every one of the stylist. However, I move faster than all of them. I am polite and friendly and over extend myself. Do they notice? Do they care? I doubt it. But, I do it for me. I have always given my full heart to everything I do. If you know me as a friend. You know that.So, while I sit in one of my darkest times in my life… I feel alone. Thank you God that I have Joe. Without him….well….nevermind. I am not even going to type it. Where are my friends when I need them? I sure am not going to call them and let them know I need their prayers and friendship. It is ALWAYS me calling or texting them. My heart always ours out for everyone else but me. I feel if they truly loved me …. they would make an effort to get in touch with me. They have hands and fingers and a mouth. But, that is fine. Maybe this is the way it is supposed to be. Alone.
