Wow. I can’t believe I haven’t been on here in……….4 ever. I am now more than half way with my cosmetology program. I have been keeping my private journal updated. It really has been my only cource of release and healing actually. Where do I even start. I actually do feel dead to the world right now. I am loving school. I am loving what I am learning. For the first time in years, I have decided to cut back on my portions and watching what I eat. I have picked up a couple of other habits however that I will not mention here. Our oldest son graduated from high school in May. He is starting college this week. Locally. So, he still lives at home. I have my 13 yr old at one school and my 12 yr old at another. Then, there is my daughter……… She is 16 and no longer living with us. As of Sunday morning, she moved back to Arizona. She is living with her best friend and her family. I NEVER in my life thought that my children would want to get away from me that bad. I am a great mother. I have felt guilty the past few weeks. It seems that for the past 18 years, I have been at home with them. Protecting them. Taking care of them. Sheltering them…..maybe. Then, I start school and all hell breaks loose. I can sadly say that I don’t even know what is going on in her mind anymore. I have always told my children that they could tell me anything. But, she chose not to include me. This is a trial only for now. I will decide in December if she can stay a little longer or, if she should come home. My husband & I have given her some rules. I have never been this hurt in my life. On Saturday night, I couldn’t hardly get out of bed. Literally. When I did, I felt so freakin sick. I was dry heaving at dinner and crying my heart out. For the first time in our 20 year marriage, we actually cried together. Asking ourselves why. She seems so distant from me. She is cold. I have lived my life full of constantly making sacrifices. For my kids, for my husband, family and friends. However, this was the BIGGEST sacrifice I have ever made. However, if she can grow from this experience, than, I am at peace with it. I miss all of my art friends. I wish you all peace and happiness.
