I am having an ok day so far. I wish I didn’t suffer from depression. By stating that, I am not asking for any sympathy or help. Just saying, it is a part of life for me and for those that suffer from depression can totally relate. Some days are good days for me and some are just horrible. I have always been a meloncholy type person with a touch of choleric. Sure hope that spelling is right. Anyway, I feel most artists and/or musicians generally are.
I have been here in Oklahoma now for one year. Yes, this is where I was born. This is where I grew up. However, my heart longs to be back in Phoenix, AZ. It seems that is really where I grew up. Away from home. Away from family. Developing into the person I am. Who I want to be.
I have so many negative things going on in my life that I don’t feel free to share at this time. Not all of them. It is too overwhelming.That is why it is hard for me to let go of that negativity and create art. I am determined that tonight I will have some wine ,sit in my studio and create a few things.
I am so frustrated right now. The only person I truly feel comfortable talking with is my best friend Melissa and boy has she had her ears full lately. She keeps encouraging me to write a book. To share all of the bad things I am going through right now. Thinking that not only would it be a source of income (which I hate to admit …sure could use some more of that right now!). as well as therapy. But, I told her, who on earth would buy it?? We both laughed. So, bad things…………………yeah. Lots of them happening to me. Too many. So, instead of doing my own book, I am doing the blog.
I keep telling myself to always try to find the positive to outweigh the negative. But, that is just so damn hard sometimes. I hold on to the thought every day that at least all of my children are alive right now. I cling on to it.
It is kinda ironic. I was involved in a Chunky book swap about a year ago. The sky’s the limit was the name of the book. My art page theme was a sad looking girl with the words inscribed……..involve me, show me the impossible journey. Strange…..was I having another one of my glimpses of the future. Yes, I do have them. And yes, I do think this is freaky. So, here I am……on an impossible journey………determined to make it *possible*.
Please email me. I would like to chat/share with you and I am not quite as open (I don’t do personal on the internet) as you are. We met at AU this year—I remember you although I am sure you don’t remember me. Looking forward to hearing from you.
shari
Comment by Shari Schneider — November 28, 2006 @ 4:01 pm |